Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
