Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He better not be in your backpack
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
