You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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