you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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