Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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