After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
