thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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