The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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