no you cant smoke seaweed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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