Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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