He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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