after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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