1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drake has all the answers
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
