when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
