I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
