Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
