CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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