My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
