I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
