remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
