I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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