there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
