I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
