billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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