yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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