There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
