Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
