wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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