Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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