Umm I'm too high to move.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
