He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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