I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
