I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
