Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
