woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
