I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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