I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Someone signed my nipple.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
