WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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