and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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