you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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