In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
