Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
