You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
