he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
