I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
