Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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