omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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