"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
