Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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