Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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