Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
